#you know that tumblr post that's like 'they were a pleasure to have in class' aka This Child Will Not Be Diagnosed for at Least Eight Years | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lollytea · 8 months ago

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Up until a month back I liked a guy. And I really liked him. But I found out he didn't like me back. I was really upset, but I didn't want to hold it against him, but then I found out he had a reputation of being a player (which, at our age of 14 is flirtatiously texting girls and then just. Ghosting them).

And I felt really upset. I began to question if he even saw me as a friend, and whether the way he texted me was even friendly. What if he secretly loathed me and was just doing this to get a kick out of it? What if he knew about my feelings and they were just a joke to him?

I wanted to cry, but I told my friends and my sister I was okay. But I wanted to scream. Its not my fault I was born ugly. It's not my fault my face makes me unlovable. And even though I wanted to distance myself from him I felt some sort of perverse pleasure every time he did something embarrassing in front of every one.) And that's when I think it hit me.

That's why I'm unlovable. I am unlovable because I'm a terrible person. My friends tried to comfort me saying that he's a shitty person who can't see my beauty/cuteness, but friends are obligated to say that. I wanted to believe them because they're all so beautiful, and they would never lie to me because they love me. But they deserve a better friend than me.

I want to cry because I want to experience having a whirlwind romance, and falling in love. I also know I'll probably never have that.

And AGH I feel so upset. Because all my life I've known I was ugly. But when this guy showed me attention, was nice to me, it made me feel special. Made me feel like I was having my own romance.

I hate it I hate it I hate it. I hate that I can't be loved, I hate my face, I hate myself for feeling these things. Last year when I suspected I began liking him, I told myself not to fall too deep, and here I am, ranting to you on tumblr dot com.

Lollytea, I love your writing and I love your posts. I love how confident you are of yourself. I'm very sorry for ranting in your inbox about my shitty love life, if this makes you uncomfortable, please delete it. But if you don't, I genuinely would like some encouragement. That my time for my own romance will come. That I will learn to love this face.

You're not unlovable. You're just 14. It just happens that being 14 feels a lot like being chronically unlovable. But no, that is not actually the case.

Maybe you've heard this a lot. And I imagine that it must be frustrating to listen to. That being a teenager just means your emotions are bigger and more intense than they will ever be in your entire life, so they're irrational and silly.

That's not the case either. Your feelings matter. And they're worth being listened to. But I do need you to keep in mind that the age range you're in right now is one of the most difficult periods of time that a human being will ever go through. Being a teenager is very hard. Being an adult is hard too. But me and every adult I've ever met would not trade it for being 14 again. No way in hell.

It does severely influence how you see yourself and why your emotions feel so strong and messy and all over the place. But I assure you that you're doing a fantastic job for a person in your situation. It's rough and you're getting through it and I'm proud of you.

Firstly, I'm going to say this quite bluntly but dont take it as me insulting them. Most of the boys in your class probably aren't that smart. And they are the absolute worst people to be seeking validation from. I promise that their opinion of you is not worth worrying about because they are...stupid, frankly. They won't be stupid forever. Probably. But being 14 is a weird age for boys too and they're quite mean for a while before they mature and chill tf out. Please try not to let it get to you if one of them doesn't like you romantically. I promise you it is not remotely a big deal. None of them have any idea how to be good boyfriends yet anyway.

No, you're not unlovable for occasionally having spiteful little thoughts about somebody who was mean to you. Everybody has those every once in a while. As long as you maintain some self-awareness and don't let cruelty consume your whole brain, having a few mean thoughts doesn't make you a terrible person. What WOULD make you a terrible person is external terrible behaviour. It's your actions that matter. So just be kind, alright? Be kind to your friends. Ignore the people you don't like but be civil. Don't hurt anyone. If you stick to all of this, you're golden. Considering that you already seem so self-critical of being a bit bitchy inside your own head, I think that's a promising sign than you won't do anything worse than that. I hope so anyway. Be kind, that's all you can do. Your friends love you. If you put your all into loving them in return, then you can have something so special.

You're not ugly, you're 14. Sorry, I'm getting a bit repetitive but I think it's relevant information to this whole situation. At the age you're at, your face is probably in this weird transitional period between child and adult so maybe that's why it might look "uglier" than usual to you. It might last a few more years but it won't look like that forever. I assure you that your face is beautiful because it's doing exactly what it's supposed to do. It's alright if you've felt ugly your whole life. The way you look at your own face is way more personal than the way you look at other people's faces. We don't really notice the flaws on others the way we notice our own. We're wired weird like that.

All I can say is hang tight. If you don't like your face then please try not to let it upset you that much. Your face hasn't fully developed yet. For the time being, you look exactly the way you're supposed to look and you're perfect. Let's see how it looks in a few years before we make any rash decisions about it being as ugly as you think it is.

Don't be hasty in the belief that you'll never find love and romance. I assure you that the age you're at is the absolute worst time to get a boyfriend and its perfectly okay if you don't experience it for another while. It's normal. You're fine. It's okay.

I know you want it. I know it sounds nice. And I promise that if its important to you, once you're older and the people you're interested in are a little smarter, you will have it.

I'm serious when I say that for the time being, focus on being a good friend. Focus on school. Focus on your own physical and mental health. Focus on your hobbies. Being wanted by 14 year old boys won't mean shit in the long run.

Things will be okay. You talk so much about how you'll be alone for the rest of your life. But your life has only just begun and you hardly know who you are yet. It's impossible to tell what will happen in the coming years. I promise that you'll be okay.

I know you came for me for reassurance but from that last paragraphs, I'm sure you're already smart enough to know the things I've told you. But I imagine that you just needed a second opinion. Take care, love.

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astarionfreak · 6 months ago

Text

Days of hedonistic debauchery | Chapter 1

// Gale x Tessa (Fem!Tav) x Astarion

!! Reposting! Sorry, this isn't an update. I just realized I hadn't posted the full chapter to Tumblr and with AO3 being down (even tho I think it's back up now) I thought I'd post it here for future outages. !!

---

For Tessa, Astarion coming to stay with her and Gale in Waterdeep has been a dream come true. Even Gale is learning to enjoy the taste of chaos. But nothing can ever really be that simple, can it?

18+ • NSFW • 14.2K words (3/9) | Read on AO3 (the first chapter is available below)

Tags: POV Third Person, Past Tense, Post-Game, Vampire Spawn Astarion, Professor Gale, Polyamory, Threesome, Vampire Sex, Vampire Bites, Blood, Menstrual Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Double Penetration, Anal Sex, Cunnilingus, Oral Sex, Face-Sitting

---

Tessa reached out in front of her to find only empty space in the bed. She wriggled backwards until she bumped into a warm body. Gale. She continued to squirm closer and closer to him until he woke up, wrapped an arm around her, and pulled her close.

“Good morning, my love,” he mumbled, voice still slightly hoarse. Gale trailed his fingers down her exposed arm, then back up. Even just these feather-light touches in the most innocuous of places managed to awaken her desire.

Tessa sighed dreamily. She wished they could stay like this, here, forever. Eventually, though, she had to open her eyes. Sunshine poured in through the window and flooded their bed. How long had they been sleeping?

“Don’t you need to leave for the academy?” Tessa asked.

Gale pressed a kiss just below her ear. “We have a little time.” He slid his hand across her chest, down her shirt, and brushed his thumb over her nipple.

Tessa rolled over to look at him, a coquettish smile on her face. “If I didn’t know any better, Mr. Dekarios, I’d say you were trying to get with me.”

“Get with you? That’s how you’re choosing to describe my seduction?” Gale rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“I call it like I see it, Gale. And what I’m seeing right now, is a man who wants to fuck.”

“I do so value your predilection for such succinct speech,” Gale said with a sleepy smile.

Tessa put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him onto his back. She moved quickly, lifting the blanket and swinging her leg over his body to position herself astride him. “That means you like that I just say whatever I’m thinking, right?”

“Correct, Tessa. That is precisely what that means.”

“You know how hot it gets me when you use those big, fancy words of yours.” Tessa rolled her hips, grinding herself down against his half-hard, clothed length.

“Tessa, I —”

She leaned forward, silencing him with a kiss. “I’m hot enough as it is, Gale. Save your big words for class.” She kissed him again, sweet and gentle this time. His beard tickled and scratched her face as they kissed, drawing out something almost animalistic within her. She kissed him deeper, pressed her body against his, and moaned softly into his mouth. The taste of him reminded her of their indulgences the night before.

Gale gasped into the kiss and slipped his hands under Tessa’s loose-fitting shirt. He managed to pull away and met her eyes. “As much as I’d enjoy spending all morning doing this — I did have something in mind that was rather focused on your pleasure. If you’re interested?”

Tessa got plenty of pleasure watching Gale melt beneath her touch until he was all flustered and begging for release. But, she supposed it wouldn’t hurt to see what he was thinking. “What would that be?” She pushed Gale’s shirt up, exposing his stomach. She lightly dragged her fingernails down his skin — not hard enough to leave a mark. Only enough pressure to tease.

“Only that you allow me to put my practiced tongue to use.” Gale shivered and smiled up at her.

“Put it to use where, Gale?” Tessa knew exactly where he was thinking, she just wanted to hear him say it.

“Betwixt your thighs, of course,” Gale said.

Tessa liked that idea. She liked that idea very much. She rolled her hips again and bit back a moan when her thoughts wandered to the image of his face between her legs. “Are you sure you don’t have to get ready for class?”

Gale gave her hips a squeeze. “I assure you, we have enough time.”

“You know exactly how long it takes to get me off, don’t you?” Tessa laughed.

“I’d rather not dignify such a question with an answer,” Gale said.

Tessa snorted. “Of course you do. Whatever, let’s fuckin’ go” She gave Gale another quick kiss before she flopped onto her back next to him.

She kicked off her shorts and had her underwear halfway down her thighs when the bedroom door swung open.

“Darling, you’re bleeding. Is everything alright?” Astarion expertly moved a steaming mug from the crook of his arm to his other hand — so he was holding one in each hand. The scent of freshly made coffee drifted across the room.

“Blood? I’m not . . .”

Tessa glanced down at her underwear and that’s when she saw it. A wet, red, stain letting her know that it was that time in her cycle. “Oh. That’s a bummer.”

“A . . . bummer? For you, perhaps, but certainly not for me.” Astarion flashed her a sly smile. He was shirtless. His usually perfectly-coiffed hair fell around his face in loose, messy rings — evidence that none of them got much rest the night before. “Gale, do you mind?”

“Hm? Oh.” Gale stepped out of the bed with a soft huff and padded over to where Astarion was standing. He took one of the cups from Astarion’s hands — Tessa assumed that one was tea. The other one was coffee, that one would be for her. Astarion didn’t drink either.

Gale sipped it and started walking back to the bed.

Astarion peeked around Gale at Tessa and rolled his eyes. “Darling . . .”

Gale took another sip and turned around to look at Astarion. “Yes?”

Astarion eyed him with a teasing grin. “I know how distracting it can be when your blood flow has been redirected, but perhaps, you could use that brilliant brain of yours for a second.”

“Brilliant?” Gale choked on his most recent sip of tea.

Astarion didn’t move from the doorway. “The curtains, darling. Do you mind closing them?”

“Oh, gods, the sunlight, of course.” Gale conjured a mage hand and sent it flying across the room. “I’m truly sorry, Astarion. I didn’t think.”

With a few good tugs, the mage hand pulled the thick curtains closed, blocking the sunlight completely, before dissipating.

Astarion stepped into the room and put the coffee on the bedside table nearest Tessa. “I can see what had you so distracted.” Astarion’s gaze raked down Tessa’s body, over her flushed chest and hard nipples peeking through her thin shirt, to the delicious mess between her legs. “Now, about your little situation . . .”

Tessa felt herself blushing deeper. “Gale, you don’t mind, do you?” she asked.

“I am nothing if not amenable,” Gale said with a slight wave of his hand. He sat on the edge of the bed, tea cup and saucer still in hand. He was careful as to not spill a drop.

“Thank you,” Tessa hummed. “You will be greatly rewarded . . . after Astarion has his breakfast.” She crawled toward Gale and kissed him again, their lips quickly finding a comfortable rhythm.

Gale pulled back after a moment, bumping his forehead against hers. “I imagine watching will be quite the reward on its own,” he whispered against her lips.

The bed sank as Astarion crawled in behind her. He curled a finger around the hem of her underwear and tugged lightly. “On your back, darling,” Astarion purred.

Tessa flopped onto her back, kicked her underwear off, and tossed them onto the floor. Then she popped up onto her knees with ease. “Why don’t you get onto your back, darling,” she teased.

“It’s going to be one of those mornings is it?” Astarion licked his lips, eyes already darkened from the scent of her blood and everything this morning promised. “If you insist.” He grabbed a pillow, fluffed it slightly, and then leaned back and rested his head on it.

The three of them fell into a rather predictable routine since Astarion arrived in Waterdeep. Tessa never wanted it to end. Especially when she got mornings like this.

She kissed Astarion, savoring the way his lips moved against hers with precision. She reveled in the hitch of his breath and drank in the low rumble of a moan when she sucked his bottom lip into her mouth and bit down with her dull human teeth.

“Gods, you are just — perfect — aren’t you?” Astarion whispered.

“So I’ve been told.” Tessa laughed and kissed the side of his mouth. “Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Would you like me to sit on your face?”

Astarion nodded eagerly.

Tessa looked over her shoulder at Gale. “What do you think, Gale? Should I sit on his pretty face?”

Gale blushed deeply. He held the mug of tea carefully, but Tessa noticed the slight shake of his hands. He sipped from the cup once, swallowed, and then spoke, “Only if he asks nicely.”

Tessa glanced down at Astarion and smiled slyly. “Can you do that for me, Astarion? Can you say please?”

Astarion growled softly. “Must I?”

“If you want to taste me, you will say please. Isn’t that right, Gale?” Tessa smiled at Gale.

“Yes. That is correct.” Gale seemed to be holding his breath now. His hands continued to tremble, the tea cup rattling against the saucer.

It almost made Tessa long for the days with those damn tadpoles, when they could see and feel what the other was thinking. Was he excited? Did he like this? Yes. There was a code worked out. If he was uncomfortable, surely he would say something. She had to trust him.

Astarion licked his lips slowly, eyes flicking from Gale’s trembling hands to between Tessa’s legs — then back up to meet her eyes. “Please, Tessa. Please sit on my face. Please let me taste you.”

Tessa swallowed back a moan. Gods. He was so fucking good at begging. She didn’t know if it was the pitch of his voice, the look in his eyes, or both — but his words went straight to her cunt and she clenched around nothing.

Astarion smiled as if he knew exactly what he’d done to her.

Tessa patted his face playfully. “Good boy.” She shifted to put one knee by his ear. “Good boys get what they ask for. Even when they’re being cheeky little fucks about it.”

Astarion huffed out a breath that might have been a laugh if he wasn’t so focused on the blood smeared on her thighs. The way he stared only intensified the heat pooling between her legs.

Tessa threw her leg over his face and positioned herself just over his mouth. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Gale finally put the tea on the bedside table. Then Astarion grabbed her leg, pulled her close, and licked a stripe up her inner thigh with the flat of his tongue.

Tessa gasped with surprise and threaded her fingers through Astarion’s hair. With her other hand, she grabbed the headboard and steadied herself.

There was no time for her to enjoy the anticipation. He was hungry and she was the meal. Astarion’s fingers dug into her skin as he pulled her down onto his face with a satisfied groan.

“Gods, Astarion,” Tessa whimpered. She threw her head back and began rolling her hips in smooth motions, fucking herself down onto Astarion’s tongue.

She felt another low growl beneath her as Astarion drank up her blood and her warmth. His tongue delved through her folds and lapped at her needy cunt. Tessa allowed him to continue like that, just the swirl of his tongue and hungry moans beneath her. To his credit, even with the distraction of her blood, Astarion was careful not to scratch her with his fangs.

When his pace slowed, that’s when she shifted, angling herself to grind her clit against his tongue.

Astarion was quick to listen to her body, latching onto her clit and flicking his tongue over it just the way she liked. Gods. The pleasure that coursed through her body was nothing compared to the feeling in her chest. Fuck. She hadn’t said it. Fuck. She loved him. Both of them. Her boys. Fuck.

Astarion’s hands each found an asscheek, spreading them apart as she continued grinding on his face. She gripped the headboard tighter, careful not to use her full strength. Her thighs trembled as Astarion worked her clit with his mouth.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Tessa whimpered.

A gentle hand brushed her hair away from her shoulder. Gale kissed the back of her neck. His hands traveled, light, down her spine — down, down, down. Then paused, just above the cleft of her ass. As if asking permission.

“Yes, yes,” Tessa moaned. She leaned back. “Fuck, yes.”

“Ask nicely,” Gale whispered into her ear, voice gruff with desire.

“Fucking — gods,” Tessa sputtered. “Please, Gale. Please.”

Astarion moaned beneath her again, squeezing her asscheeks — hard.

Tessa had a fleeting thought that was something along the lines of good thing Astarion doesn’t need to breathe.Because she was quickly losing focus and had clearly lost control of their little game.

A slick finger teased her asshole, circling the rim. Tessa’s mouth dropped open, a moan rolling up her throat and spilling out. She rocked her hips back — chasing the pleasure of Astarion’s mouth and yet still craving more.

Then, finally, Gale gave her what she wanted and his finger entered her. She whimpered, her body shivering. Her mind already falling so peacefully quiet, leaving her with nothing but how it felt to be touched by them.

The sensations were almost too much. She lifted herself off Astarion’s face just as a second finger pressed inside her. “T-tell me we have time for more,” she whimpered.

Astarion nipped gently at her thigh, fangs dragging against her sensitive skin — but not tearing into her.

“I don’t know. I really should be going,” Gale teased. “But I’d just loathe leaving you stretched out and wanting.” Gale’s fingers continued to press into her asshole. “Maybe Astarion isn’t as cruel as I am.”

“But, Gale,” Astarion purred. “Look at her. Positively dripping.” Astarion slipped two fingers into Tessa’s cunt and she clenched around them. “She’s such a needy little slut. Just my cock won’t be enough. Will it, Tessa?”

Tessa continued to rock her hips back and forth, fucking herself on their fingers. The sensations were definitely too much now — and yet, also, not enough. More, more, more. Gods. She loved them so fucking much.

“Y-yes. I’m a slut. Please stay, Gale. Please fuck me. Both of you. Please,” she whimpered.

When Astarion brushed his thumb over her clit, it sent another wave of pleasure crashing over her and she nearly cracked the headboard with her grip.

“What say you, Gale? Are you really going to deny her?” Astarion asked, teasing.

“We shall see,” Gale murmured directly into Tessa’s ear. “Get on his cock, my love.” Then Gale slid away from her.

She immediately craved his body, his warmth. He’d return to her. He always did.

Tessa glanced over her shoulder. At some point, Astarion’s trousers had come off. She scooted back and then fell forward, pressing her breasts against Astarion’s face.

“You’re a dirty, dirty girl, aren’t you?” Astarion mumbled against her breasts. He bit gently, always teasing. His lips and chin were still coated a thin sheen of Tessa’s blood, only diluted with her desire.

“Yes,” Tessa whispered. “I’m anything. I’ll be anything. Please, please fuck me.”

Then she felt hands on her hips — Gale’s hands — and she was guided onto Astarion’s cock. She took him easily, a comfortable stretch. Familiar.

Tessa’s breaths came in short gasps, now, and she allowed her weight to settle on Astarion’s chest. If she angled herself just right, he might be able to sink his fangs into her throat.

Before she could move someone — Astarion — probably — grabbed both her arms and pinned them behind her back. She was held in place, all her weight on Astarion, taking his cock to the hilt as she waited.

One of Gale’s hands was on her hip, the other on an asscheek as he spread her for him. The tip of his cock bumped up against her asshole — then, slowly, and carefully he began to push inside.

“Yes, yes,” Tessa groaned. “Gods, fuck. Fuck.”

Her mind went numb, nearly blank. There was nothing in the world she had to worry about. Only this. Only how it felt to be touched, and held, and taken by the two people she loved most.

When Gale pressed himself inside her completely, that’s when he grabbed her other hip. His fingers dug into her skin and he began to rock her. Tessa gave her body to them, let them take and give as they saw fit.

The pace began slow until it was clear she could take more. There were no more thoughts, no more words. She could only hear Astarion’s breath in her ear, the low grunts from Gale as they took what they needed from her willing body.

She was reduced to a trembling mess as her orgasm inched closer and closer. Even her typical string of cuss words had been silenced as she fell into wave after wave of crushing bliss.

“I’m so close, please,” Tessa whimpered. “Right there. Please.”

But she would not be allowed to stay right there. Her mouth dropped open, another moan clawing its way up her throat as Gale grabbed her by the back of the head and pulled her against his chest. Neither man stopped fucking her.

“Tell me what you want, Tessa,” Gale whispered.

“I wanna come, please, please,” she whimpered. She’d been so fucking close. So. Fucking. Close.

“What else?” Gale’s thrusts slowed, and his free hand gripped her hip, fingers digging into her skin.

Tessa whimpered. She fought through the fog and managed to remember. “Astarion to —”

Tessa choked out another moan as Astarion thrust up into her, harder this time. Just once, before returning to shallow thrusts. “— bite me while I come.”

“Did you hear that, Astarion?”

Tessa squeezed her eyes shut. She didn’t hear Astarion respond, but it must have been a yes because soon her body was pressed back on top of his.

Hands moved her, shifting her until she could feel Astarion’s breath on her neck. His lips. But no fangs, not yet.

A hand, Tessa wasn’t sure who it belonged to, was suddenly between her legs — stroking her clit at the perfect rhythm.

“Fuck, fuck. Holy hells. Gods —”

Tears burned at the corners of her eyes as pleasure and pain blended together, pushing her up and pulling her towards the edge.

“I’m gonna come — fuck, right there. Please — yes —”

Then fangs sank into her neck. A quick, sharp pain — and then numbness. The pain was just enough — it sent her toppling over the edge of bliss. The orgasm wracked her body, as she came, clenching around Astarion’s cock. She may have said something — but it wasn’t words — there was nothing in her mind and only a white, hot flash behind her eyelids. Time seemed to stop for Tessa. Pure, inescapable pleasure was all she knew as she rode out her orgasm.

Astarion drank from her in slow, easy swallows as he fucked her with equally languid movements. It wasn’t long before she felt him lose his rhythm. There was a tightness, then warmth as he came undone inside her.

Gale. Where was Gale? She couldn’t move. Her body was so tired. She was reduced to just weight on Astarion’s chest — then she felt Gale’s cock tap against the cleft of her ass — and shortly after the warmth of his spend on her lower back.

The world spun around her, but it didn’t matter. She was so fucking comfortable. So fucking content. And so fucking tired.

She thought, maybe she felt Gale kiss her cheek and murmur something to her. She may have responded. She wasn’t sure. He knew that it would take her a little bit of time after coming like that to readjust to the world.

“Don’t worry.” That was Astarion’s voice. His face was still pressed so close to her neck, but he wasn’t drinking anymore. “You can go. I’ll take care of our girl.”

Tessa snuggled close to Astarion. That’s right. Gale had to go to the academy. Certainly, he’d be late now. Oops.

But — what was it that Astarion had called her? Oh, yeah.

Our girl.

---

Tessa was still blissed out and dizzy when Astarion shifted out from beneath her. She groaned softly and smushed her face into a pillow. Beyond that, she didn’t move. She didn’t think she could if she wanted to. Her thoughts still wouldn’t form into anything useable.

At some point, she felt a warm, wet cloth against her lower back and between her legs. She grunted out something as close to a thank you as she could manage. Then there were hands, gentle, as they grabbed her sides and flipped her onto her back.

Tessa sighed and her eyes fluttered open. “Can’t we just stay in bed?”

“If that’s truly what you want? But, you should know I have already filled the tub.” Astarion leaned over her and held out his hand.

“Are there bubbles?” Tessa asked.

Astarion laughed. “I’m not an idiot, Tessa. Of course there are bubbles.”

Tessa took his hand and used his weight to pull herself into a sitting position. “In that case, count me in.”

Astarion stepped off the bed and tugged Tessa along with him. She was still a little unsteady on her feet, and quite sore, but she followed him to the bathroom.

He wasn’t lying about the bubbles. The tub was completely full and bubbles were already spilling out onto the floor.

“I may have overdone it,” Astarion said.

“Nah, it’s perfect.” Tessa reached into the tub to test the water temperature. She decided it was good enough and grabbed Astarion’s arm to hold herself steady as she stepped into the tub. She sank down into the water with a happy groan. “Yep. Perfect.”

Astarion tilted his head slightly. “Do you want anything? Wine? Cheese?”

“Why?” Tessa asked.

Astarion sat on the edge of the tub. “Why what?”

“Why are you being so nice? Did you do something?”

Astarion put a hand to his chest, mocking offense. “How dare you. I’m always nice?”

“You’re always . . . you. Which, I adore. But, you’re not always nice. So, why?”

“Am I not allowed to take care of you?”

“No, you are. And, it’s appreciated, seriously. More than you know.” Tessa grabbed a handful of bubbles and placed them on top of her head. “If that’s all this is, then I’ll drop it.”

“That’s all this is,” Astarion said.

“Alright. Great.” Tessa blinked up at him.

“So?”

“Do you need anything?” Astarion asked.

Tessa sat upright. “Oh. Yes, actually.” The pile of bubbles fell off her head and onto her shoulder.

“What?”

“I need you to join me.”

“In the tub?”

“Yes.” Tessa grabbed his hand. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it is big enough for both of us.”

“I’ve noticed. I just . . . I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know about it?”

“It’s . . . intimate.”

Tessa laughed. “Astarion. We’re well past that. Come on.”

“Are you sure?”

“Completely sure.” Tessa gave his hand a little tug.

“Fine.” Astarion slipped out of his underwear and stepped into the tub. The water sloshed around them and splashed over the edge as he settled down in the water across from her.

“Turn around,” Tessa said.

Astarion lifted an eyebrow, uncertain.

“I promise you’ll like this.”

He huffed quietly and managed to turn around so his back was to Tessa. More water sloshed around and spilled out of the tub.

His scars. Tessa’s breath caught in her throat. She’d seen them countless times, but it never got easier. She was always careful not to touch them.

Seeing them made her chest ache. Even though his vile master was dead, the scars were a reminder that the pain Cazador inflicted remained.

Tessa placed a careful hand on Astarion’s side and pulled him close, slotting him between her legs. “Lean back,” she whispered. She guided him down against her until the back of his head rested against her shoulder.

His body, usually so tense, seemed to finally relax. Astarion sighed softly.

Tessa pressed a kiss to his temple. She ran her wet fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp as she held him close. “See? Told you so.”

“Mm. You were right.”

Tessa pressed her face against the side of his head. She touched his hair, his sides, and held him close.

I love you. I love you. I love you. The thought was there, nagging, gnawing at the corners of her mind. She couldn’t say it. She wouldn’t — and she hated that she had to keep it to herself. She always spoke her mind. She hated secrets. But she was afraid, she didn’t know how he would react.

“You keep clenching your jaw,” Astarion said. “What are you thinking about?”

“What? Was I?” Tessa opened her jaw wide, trying to relax her muscles.

“Mhm.”

“It’s nothing,” she said.

“It’s clearly something. You can try to lie to me if that would make you feel better.”

Tessa sighed. “Fine. Yeah, I mean, I just . . . I miss Baldur’s Gate. It’s different here. It doesn’t really feel like home yet.”

“I know,” Astarion said. “You’ll adjust.”

“You think so?”

“Yes.” Astarion reached under the water and gave her leg a gentle squeeze.

“And if I can’t? If I don’t?”

“The city will still be there, waiting for you, if you change your mind.”

“I just . . . I don’t wanna disappoint him, you know?”

“Tessa, you couldn’t disappoint anyone if you tried.”

“That’s very kind of you, Astarion. But, we’ll see, I guess.”

“You’ll see,” Astarion said.

Tessa continued to hold him. Eventually, she relaxed again. She stopped worrying, stopped thinking, and just enjoyed this moment of peace.

It was only when she noticed that the water had cooled off that she broke the silence. “What are you doing tonight? Some old fuck is paying me a bunch of coin to protect him. From what I hear he’s just paranoid and it’ll be boring. I could use some company.”

Astarion took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I would love to join you, darling, but I actually have a job of my own tonight.”

“Bummer,” Tessa said.

“Bummer. That’s the second time you’ve used that word. What do you mean?” Astarion turned his head to look up at her.

Tessa shrugged. “I don’t know. Just feels good in my mouth. I guess, I just mean I’m disappointed you can’t come with me.”

“I see. I can think of something else that —”

“Don’t say it, Astarion.” Tessa laughed.

“What? What was I going to say?”

“You were going to say something about what else feels good in my mouth.”

“And spoil such a lovely moment? I would never.”

“You certainly would.”

Astarion laughed. “Yes. Yes, I would.”

Tessa rolled her eyes. “We should get out of here soon. I promised Gale I’d meet him for lunch, and honestly, I have no idea what time it even is right now.”

“Ah, of course.” Astarion pulled himself up by the edge of the tub and scooted away from Tessa. “I’ll just . . . find something to do around here. As usual.”

“I’m sorry, Astarion.” Tessa sat up as well. “I won’t be gone long, and then I’ll come right back here we can find something to occupy us.”

Astarion stood, water dripping off his body. He held out a hand and helped Tessa stand too. “You’re very . . . sweet. But don’t rush back on my account. Gale has books locked up that he doesn’t want me to touch. So, I have plenty to keep me busy.”

Tessa laughed. “He can be a bit precious with some of them, can’t he?”

“He doesn’t seem to like to share,” Astarion said.

“Not everything, no.” Tessa got out of the tub and grabbed them each a towel.

Astarion accepted the towel, stepped out of the tub, and began drying off. “But he still doesn’t mind sharing you?”

“He’s happy with our arrangement. Are you?” Tessa studied Astarion’s face, looking for any hint of a mask — a lie beneath whatever he was about to say.

“Delighted,” he said. His smile looked practiced, but Tessa decided now wasn’t the time to press him on the issue.

“And you’ll let me know if that changes?” Tessa asked.

Astarion nodded. “Of course.”

Tessa gave him a small smile and continued drying herself off. Her chest ached in a familiar way.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

She was clenching her jaw again, but she kept her mouth shut. She wasn’t ready for things to change.

Read the next chapter on AO3.

#af.op #af.op.fic #baldur's gate 3 fic #bg3 fic #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 smut #astarion smut #gale smut #gale x tav x astarion #astarion acunin #gale dekarios

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oneshotnewbie · 1 year ago

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HI!! Could you do a suicidal baby danvers oneshot? they're in highschool, probs the final year, and they're getting bullied really badly. One day when they walk into one of their classes they find their desk with things (like "f*g" or "fatass"). They skip the rest of their school day after that and go straight home, they write a suicide note and leave it for Alex and Kara. Make it super angsty, maybe a happy ending?:) I hope you have an amazing day, I love your page<33

Authors note: Way too long and a little rushed, but I wanted to put everything you asked me into this request. I tried to shorten it a bit but I didn't succeed. So sorry for that! Also parted in two parts because Tumblr did not let me post the whole thing :(

Trigger warning!This one-shot includes the topic of suicide and the plot is presented. If this triggers you too easily or you just can´t handle the subject, I urge you NOT to read this work. I am NOT embellishing this topic under any circumstance. Read at your own risk.

Summary: Life consists of small moments that shape us, stay in our memories and make us who we are. Often we don't even know what influence we have on other people, how we appear to the outside world and how we affect other people's lives. And this influence leaves traces

ᕚ---ᕘ

When the alarm clock woke you up at 6am sharp, a hand grabbed the annoying troublemaker and slammed it against the wall. Grumbling, you whispered some swear words under your breath and piled the covers back over your head to avoid the outside world.

Unfortunately, the night always passed too quickly for you. You did not want to go back to school, lost all desire to return to your classroom every morning. For you, school was not a pleasure or an increase in your knowledge, but a single struggle for survival.

The knock on your door made you roll your eyes in annoyance. You quickly pushed the covers back against the end of the bed and sat up, rubbing a hand across your face to wipe the rest of sleep out of your eyes.

"Sleepyhead, are you awake?" your sister´s female voice asked muffled through the thick wood and you hesitated a moment with your answer, thinking about telling her that you were sick so you could stay at home, but you decided against it. "I am awake, I will be right there"

When you heard the footsteps moving away from your door, you slowly got in motion to get out of bed, leaving your small but beautiful kingdom to march into hell instead. In your room, you felt like you were in a glass box that shielded you from the outside world like a protective bubble. Here you were safe and at peace with all the people who loved you.

With a thoughtful face, you made your way to the open kitchen where Kara had already started conjuring up your breakfast. Throwing your backpack onto one of the free chairs at the dining table, you sat down on the bar stool opposite the blonde. Your head dropped to the wooden counter as your finger silently traced the texture.

"Is everything okay?" she murmured between pursed lips. Her head was cocked to the side, her long, honey blonde hair that was tied in a loose ponytail hanging down one of her shoulders. The knife that had recently been used loosely standing in her fist as she gazed at you intently. "You seem so calm to me lately"

Kara had suspected that something was on your mind, her sisterly instincts told her that something was very wrong. For weeks, there was something in your life that bothered you. You have been acting differently lately. Your behavior became withdrawn and calmer. You did not seem to have an appetite- you hardly ate anything anymore. However, she refrained from forcing you into a confession and possibly pushing you further away from her than you have been since your character transformation.

You looked over your shoulder and faltered, clearly uncomfortable at being asked the question. You did not want to tell her the truth, nor did you want to lie to your sister. Yet you were not ready to tell her what was going on in your life.

The blonde would drag the redhead into this situation and both of them might want to talk to your teacher or even your classmates. But that would probably make the situation worse, trigger further harassment.

"Yes. Yes, I am fine," you said quietly and turned your gaze to an imaginary point. Kara, on the other hand, kept her direct gaze strictly on you while an affirmative growl escaped her lips. "Actually, I am not hungry at all. Can you pack it for me?"

She sighed and walked around the kitchen counter to get to you. Her hands grabbed your shoulders and gently stroked them before she pulled you back and gently hugged you from behind. The sudden, loud pounding of your heart and the nervous playing with your fingers, made it clear to the young woman that you seemed to be struggling with yourself. "You can always talk to me, okay? I am here for you"

You snuggled into her arms, which hugged you tightly and full of strength into her body while one of them gently stroked your hair. "I know," you assured her, your voice breaking slightly as you tilted your head up to look at her. "You are always there when I need you"

ᕚ---ᕘ

Despite getting up and leaving the house on time, you missed fifteen minutes of the first lesson. You had dawdled your way to school, getting more nervous each time you took a step further into the building.

Walking up the last few steps to your classroom and turning left down the hallway, you reached the first door of the corridor where math had already started. You nervously wiped your sweaty hands on your jeans and mentally prepared yourself for the impending confrontation. Then, you opened the door and the noise level in the class dropped significantly.

"You are late," your teacher spoke as he sat down at his desk and wrote an entry into the register. You paused at the door and surveyed the nineteen other teenagers before he looked at you warningly and you knew that because of all your delays, the crosses behind your name lined up like on a cementary. "Will not happen again"

On the way to your seat in the back row, the most famous girl tripped you and you stumbled, but managed to catch yourself before you hit the floor. Laughter filled the room and a lame joke was made about you. "Too stupid to walk, Danvers?"

You pained facial expression smoothed out and with an inconspicuous sideways glace, you looked appraisingly at Cindy before your teacher´s loud voice called for order. He ordered you to finally sit down and not disturb the class further than you already did.

Before you even sat down, you saw the doodled on your table that you had not noticed before. They had been re-scribed into the surface of the wood and highlighted with black marker. There is one word you were particularly sad to read about: fag.

Tears welled up in your eyes, which you tried to hold back as your stomach began to cramp up. You made no secret about your sexuality and were relatively open on the subject, yet you did not think it would ever be used against you.

"Who was that?" your trembling voice made it´s way between quiet laughter and silenced them completely. All eyes were on you, but they were by no means pitiable. With that, you turned around and left the room straight away.

The school hallway was not the widest construction and even with few students it seemed to be bursting at the seams. Other teenagers walked past you, it got a little cramped, and you were jostled and pushed against the wall.

Shortly thereafter, you fist collided with the wall, repeatedly hitting the white plaster in short frequencies. Tears rolled down your cheeks and mixed with the blood that smeared on your knuckles as you wiped them from your eyes.

But you did not care, you were fed up. The barrell overran and drowned your energy below zero.

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yukinarinn · 2 years ago

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“Pleasurable Vulnerability”

Myumu x Dom!Byakuya Togami

Heya, btw, I don’t take requests with ocs here. It’s another commission request by Zir this time, on Amino since there I made a writing commission post. It’s been like almost a month (3 months now) since she requested it and I’m so sorry for letting you wait so long dear! I hope you like it, I don’t know if it’s that good, though. Please tell me if you want me to change anything! 💕

Since I’m done with those commissions, I’m ready to take care of the requests from Tumblr!

The second art is Myumu by Zir, she’s so talented!!

Also this is an update, I’ve NOW finished this and all I have to say is that I think it’s just cringe. I should’ve written this earlier but now it turned out like this so please if you’re cringing, I’m sorry!!

cw: praising, degradation, breeding kink, mentions of pr3gnancy, dom!byakuya, sub!myumu, THH bad ending

The final class trial has came to an end, Kyoko was executed, and Makoto was devastated while Junko forced the remaining students to live in the Hope’s Peak Academy, forever. And there was nothing they can do.

Days had passed since the final class trial, most of them were spending their times alone, in their own room. Aoi only came to the dining hall to eat breakfast and donuts, Yasuhiro tried to get everyone’s attention and have a chat, but the students weren’t in the mood for that, Makoto is still thinking of an escape, Toko is spending the whole day in her room, sometimes stalking Byakuya, and Byakuya is ignoring everyone, obviously, a specific someone is an exception.

And that someone is… Myumu! his best friend and the closest friend he even had, she, instead, was talking to everyone! Excepting Toko, Toko is obsessively talking about Byakuya all the time and something just snaps inside Myumu for some reason.

The pink-haired girl is in the library, reading a book, together with Makoto since he wanted some company. He kept looking at her instead of reading his book, and Myumu noticed, looking straight into his eyes and chuckled.

“Aww, is there something wrong, Makoto?” She asked him, smiling as he starts blushing.

But before even answering to her question, someone gently touched Myumu’s shoulder which made her look behind, and she faced Byakuya, who looked a bit upset and confused. Though, he tried to hide his emotions.

Byakuya was looking at Makoto with so much disgust meanwhile the poor boy was confused about what’s happening and why he gives this look to him.

“Um, I will leave now. Seems like Togami doesn’t want me around.. See you later, Myumu!”

“No! It’s fine, he’s ju-“

“Let him leave. Actually, he can stay here, I do have some.. business with you anyway.”

Myumu gave him a confused look, not knowing what to say at this point. Byakuya was closer to her, but he never asked for anything nor wanting to talk to her more privately.

“Umm, sure! right now?” She asks, giving him one of her innocent smiles.

The blonde guy touches her cheek gently, his mouth forming a smirk but this smirk disappeared as soon as he started speaking.

“Of course, you need to come with me now. I do noticed something weird, and that’s why I want to make sure I’m right.”

Myumu nodded and followed him, she didn’t even have time to say goodbye to Makoto since Byakuya grabbed her hand and “forced” her to come with him. Looks like the bussines he’s talking about will be discussed in his own room.

He opens the door, making sure that Myumu is the first one entering his room, he may be rude and ignorant to others, but he’s actually a gentleman with the people he truly cares.

He slowly locks the door while she looks around.

“You know, I’m pretty confused. So the business you were talking about will be discussed in your room?”

He sighs.

“First, take a seat on the bed and make yourself comfortable here” He says, sitting right next to her. “You know I’m not here to play games so I’ll just be straight forward to you, but, could you really answer my question without lying to me?”

Myumu looked down, basically knowing what was he going to ask. She could be honest, but she doesn’t know what his answer will be. But.. she has nothing to lose, she has to be honest to him. If her feelings aren’t reciprocated, at least she tried. But what if they are…?

“No, I’ll be honest, you don’t need to worry. Go ahead!” She smiles.

Byakuya always melted when she was smiling like that, but never admited it.

“Do you have feelings for me? If so, for how long?”

He suddenly got even more closer to her after asking this which made her blush and embarrased. But still, she had to answer his question.

“I-I do, for a very long time actually. But I thought other people’s feelings don’t matter to you. Toko likes you too, right? But you always pushed her away.”

He smiles and touches her chin with his index finger, making her to look at him.

“Toko isn’t even my type. It’s true that I don’t care about others that much, but you’re my best friend, I mean you were. Because I wanna show you how much I adore and love you.”

Myumu stared at the boy she loved so much, not able to say another word. She was just staring.. waiting for him to say something more.

“I know that’s pretty surprising and even confusing for you. And I’m not really that type of guy who just confesses his love to someone, that’s why I want to show you. Can I?” He asks, already unbuttoning his suit.

Myumu was out of words but she was still able to smile, that was a confession. A confession that she was waiting for so long.

“W-what do you mean by that?”

Byakuya smirks and touches her thigh.

“You’re so innocent, let me change that.”

With that said, he pushes her onto the bed, getting on top of her and taking his glasses off, putting them on the table right next to them both. Byakuya was staring at his incredibly adorable face she has, she didn’t expect him to push her like that, which made her squeak a bit. They didn’t say a thing, they were so busy looking into each other’s eyes.

He was obviously the one in charge so he took the lead, starting with his expensive suit, slowly taking it off. Myumu didn’t say a word, but she wanted what he wanted, just by looking at those innocent and pure eyes of hers. His clothes were on the ground now and he let his skinny yet muscular body in sight so she can take a good look at this beautiful view.

Byakuya, once he saw her all flustered and blushing, gets closer to her ear, biting the lobe of it gently and whispers which sent vibrations to her spine and, well, her whole body.

“Do you like what you see? how about you help me taking off those cute clothes of yours?” He says in a dominant tone, but he still asked for consent as he didn’t want to hurt her or cause any misunderstandings. This moment should be important for the both of them.

Myumu let out a soft moan as soon as she felt his teeth touching her ear lobe and biting afterwards. But she nods.

“Yes.. please.. let’s take them off-“

He smirks as he squeezes her thigh a bit. He was already excited and words couldn’t describe how happy he also was that now she’s under him, waiting to be dominated and loved.

He gladly took off everything she had on her and now that Myumu’s skin is fully revealed to him, things are getting interesting. He placed many kisses on her flesh, making her squirm.

He looked down at her.

“What was that noise? do you like it?~” Byakuya teased her and kept going. Touching every part of her body and biting her neck gently. Myumu still let out moans without saying anything and that’s because everything was perfect at the moment. She forgot where she was and what happened in this place, now that Byakuya is so close to her.

He chuckled, seeing her like that and then he grabbed a condom from the table, rolling it on his dick. She was watching him, speechless.

“I just love how you’re so quiet even though I’m so ready to fuck my kids into you. I guess that’s how a slut usually behaves?” As he chuckles, he put it right at the entrance, still looking for her consent. “Tell me. Tell me you also want it”

“Byakuya.. I will give myself to you.. since I love you so much~” She told him and spreading her legs wide more.

Byakuya nods and he slowly pushes it inside, letting out a groan before kissing her. He stayed like that for a while so she can adjust with his size and then he began thrusting into her, wraping his hands around her neck.

He was of course enjoying this, and Myumu too. He could tell that only by looking at his pretty face, moaning out loud and screaming his name pathetically to keep going and finish her off.

He was going deeper and faster as he was close to climax. He pulled her closer to him.

“Tell me where you want me to cum, princess”

“I-Inside!” She moaned loud once again, wraping her legs around his waist as she was close too.

Her walls squeezed which made him cum instantly, painting her walls with white.

After a few seconds, he was laying right next to her, cuddling together.

“You’ll be a great mother, Myumu. I love you so much.” He said, kissing her cheek.

She blushes and hugs him tightly.

“I.. I love you too!”

#danganronpa #fem reader #trigger happy havoc #byakuya togami #ocs #danganronpa oc #danganronpa smut #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #dr thh #thh #danganronpa thh #oneshot

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camfusedly · 3 months ago

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hi this is tati (i dont really use this) i wanted to ask for a rock reading about my monologue at acting class... i have no idea how to do "Autofiction". what do the rocks say (no rush(?

Tati!! Hello!! You said "no rush" and I said "you got it" 😎

For any tumblr people who stumble on this post... you're gonna be confused, I'm sorry, I'll make a post explaining rock readings eventually!

Because I took so long to get back to you on this, I know things have changed! I feel like you said on cohost you were thinking about quitting the class, so I hope my info is not too late! (Will this info help at all?? To be seen)

So the most important rock here is the larger, brown egg-shaped one that's next to a pink rock, and it stands for the home, mundanity, and chores. I think the message here is that the approach to "autofiction" (which I feel I must say I have no idea what that is!) is to start looking in things that feel to you as boring, mundane, and commonplace. Maybe in something about you (I assume that's part of autofiction??) that feels uninteresting to you that can mine into something more interesting?

There's an interesting cluster of four nearby (purple, red, yellow, brown/green) that are very conflicting. They mean, respectively, "joy," "pleasure," "danger", and "yes" (which I'm sure is operating as an emphasis). These are near a blue rock that stands for you, which makes me think this is how you feel about this class--that you don't feel safe there, maybe out of your element, but there's moments of joy or pleasure.

There are three rocks on the periphery that I don't know how to incorporate into the message here. From left to right, they stand for travel/nature, gender, and money. I suspect they are trying to say different things--the money one in particular thinks that you will get some money sometime in the not-too-distant future.

As always, the rocks have been wrong before and will be again, so feel free to disregard anything that doesn't make sense for you situation!

That's all I got! I hope that was helpful and not way too late! I hope everything goes well with your class!

Yes, I did the reading by the patio in hopes that Tortilla would make an appearance, lol

#fortune telling #divination #rock readings #lithomancy #rocks #crystals

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lesbonym · 5 months ago

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>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\< so rude cause I am blushing like mad but you aren't supposed to know that cause I definitely don't get super flustered over your responses

If you save me riding you for last then it might end up with me laying on your chest with you helping me move my hips up and down, sometimes being horny gives me more stamina but especially if I am subbing I tend to melt into a puddle

>\\\\\\\< I would still really like to pleasure you tho, wanna make my pretty boy feel so good even if you are mean to me (don't apply logic to this, I know that I will beg you to be mean to me cause it's very hot >\\\\<)

Despite turning into a puddle I do have the stamina, there was a bit where I couldn't figure out how to make myself cum (love sex ed classes that don't actually teach anything about sex ed) so I would just keep going until I was ready to stop, so I am used to going for actual hours just being played with if you wanted to keep playing around with me for a while (fun fact, because it took me a while to figure it out now I can't edge myself like at all cause I keep turning my vibe up and putting it right where I like it and then I cum before I even have a chance to think about trying to edge)

Also I am so proud of you for doing good on your assignment!!!!!!!!

I have been working nearly every day the past couple of weeks which is why I have been less active on Tumblr, my body isn't used to working this consistently cause my other job would call me in like 3 or so days a week, I'm still liking my job but until my body builds up more stamina most of my waking hours are spent at work and I take lots of naps when I get home

>\\\\\\\< but I still usually check your posts at night before I go to bed and get all flustered and touch myself before I go to sleep >\\\<

But I'm glad your professor decided to be not stupid about it and let you go online! That's sick!!

(also ignore my stream of conscious going between horny and not horny one paragraph to the next, that's just how it be today)

(No worries, baby! I'll probably just try to organize mine cause mine gets pretty stream of consciousness too. I'll probably answer nsft stuff first and then sft stuff. Sorry if I miss stuff though)

So cute, I know you so well. Just knew you'd be blushing so bad to my response, and it's so cute. My pretty boy has always been so cute since being more yourself in asks.

I'd be more than willing to help you ride me, baby. I'll take such good care of you and coo praises to you for doing so well. Maybe I will be a little mean about how quickly you melted, but I think you'd love that.

My sweet boy wants to make me feel good? How cute. You could barely keep yourself up, and yet you wanna make me feel good. Of course, begging so cutely for me to be mean, too. I'm curious how you'd like to pleasure me, sweet baby?

Poor thing is all pent up, hm? Having to use that pretty head too much at work so you scroll my blog at night to feel good. God, you're so cute.

Yeah, I also had really shifty sex ed classes. Most of them were abstinence-only classes and only taught us parts of the penis cause the vagina was "gross." Most girls in my grade had no clue the urethra and vagina were separate holes and thought they peed through the vagina... it was awful. This was a high school class too. (So many were pregnant by senior year :/)

That sucks that work is keeping you so busy, but I hope you are getting good rest! I'll be okay with you not checking in as often if you're taking care of yourself. But I'll always miss hearing from my pretty boy ;)

I'm very glad that my professor did too. I think he realized most people had no way to get there and also would probably be locked out so it was kinda a hybrid class.

#🦠 anon #emoji anons #emoji anon #lesbian #sapphic #nblw #wlw #anon ask #anon asks #lesbian nsft #sapphic nsft #nblw nsft

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catchingbigfish · 2 years ago

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18, 27 & 41

tysm for the ask!

18. THE MOON: FEAR (What worries you most about your future writing career? What are you anticipating?)

i think i'd like to traditionally publish my novels eventually, beginning with So It Goes, but i have no desire to be a full-time writer and have found my creative output has skyrocketed since letting go of that idea. it seems weird, but having the right day job has given me the mental distance necessary to treat writing as a pleasurable, enjoyable creativity without the pressure of "making it", so to speak. my biggest worry is that i'll eventually get complacent and either stop writing again or never publish anything. i'm anticipating maybe a few traditionally published stories, maybe a traditionally published novel or two, and hopefully a lot of posting to tumblr! i gotta say, i'm frankly obsessed with what @winterandwords did when she published a novel and a collection of stories straight to tumblr -- in addition to being fantastic writing, i find it so ballsy and awesome to do that, and i've been considering doing the same once decomposing gods is finished.

27. SIX OF CUPS: CHILDHOOD (Have you written since you were a child or did you pick up the skill as an adult?)

it definitely started when i was a kid! i remember writing long, sprawling stories in the vein of middle grade friendship drama chapter books on legal pads as early as 9 or 10. i didn't know why i wanted to write and i still really don't, but i knew it was like scratching an itch and i had to do it or i'd lose my mind. i also had this amazing livejournal that i wish i didn't delete in high school where i posted snippets of what i guess you'd consider poetry.

41. SIX OF SWORDS: TRANSITION (Would you ever write out of the genre you usually write in?)

i have a few genres (as in, subject matter) i'm personally completely uninterested in (sci-fi and hard fantasy are the big ones) but otherwise i'd like to think i'd be willing to try anything. when it comes to genre as form, i also love writing creative nonfiction and poetry -- i always thought of myself as a fiction writer but when i had to take a CNF class and then a poetry class in college, i fell in love with both. i actually won a handful of local awards for poetry in college and never won anything remotely similar for CNF or fiction, lol, although i did win one for academic writing!

from this tarot ask game!

#ask game #tarot asks #ty for the ask <3

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fiercynn · 9 months ago

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this is both disingenuous and incredibly cruel given that bisan called for a global strike for palestine ON APRIL 1ST SPECIFICALLY. and you're getting mad at people who weren't even asking people to stop booping but were asking for the bare minimum of, like, at least reblogging information about it ALONGSIDE the fucking boops? seriously?????

i'm a lifelong activist and organizer, i've burned out before so i know what it looks like, and people absolutely do need to take breaks and take care of themselves. if you truly care about what you so callously put as "the problems" but want people to not destroy themselves in their efforts to fight for change, you know what you could do that would be actually helpful? provide resources on self-care (which is rooted in black feminist thought, and is not version that has been coopted by capitalism and white supremacy) and self-love and community care. here are some that i've found super meaningful:

caring for ourselves as political warfare and self love as a liberatory practice for the future by adrienne maree brown

communities of care, organizations for liberation and a round-up and re-frame of the community care conversation by yashna maya padamsee

the joyful intersections of disability justice, care, and pleasure and for badass disability justice, working-class and poor-led models of sustainable hustling for liberation, by leah lakshmi piepzna-samarasinha

those are literally just a handful of links i happen to have saved; definitely also explore more work by these authors (including their books!) and others they link to - alexis pauline gumbs's work also comes to mind.

you know what none of that tells you to do? "distract" yourself from genocide and injustice. because trying to distract yourself from such horrifying and infuriating things requires a violent dislocation of yourself from your own emotions. practicing radical self-care and community care are about finding things that help keep you grounded and surviving to fight another day, while still holding all the overwhelming things you are feeling, because those feelings are appropriate and understandable reactions to genocide and injustice! trying to deny them is just going to create more harm to yourself! personally, reading poetry – particularly by palestinian, black, indigenous, and decolonial poets – has been one of the things that helps me breathe, without forcing myself to bury my head in the sand. (if anyone wants poetry recommendations, feel free to jump into my asks.)

i'm not saying this is easy. there are days where i shut down. but you know what i don't do? lecture people who are already hurting because they and their people are being genocided on why i deserve a break, when they are just trying to raise attention to what they are going through!

like seriously. if you truly feel like you are doing what you can to fight genocide and injustice, and that the boop-fest was something you needed as a break, then fine, those posts weren't for you! but can you not conceive of there being anyone who might have needed a reminder, might have not known that there was a global strike, might have needed to see all the horrific things that israel did on april 1st itself, to galvanize them into action?

i saw people that i trust and respect engaging in the boops on april 1st alongside other things they were posting, including palestinian folks. the boops themselves weren't the problem! the problem was that tumblr was entirely taken over by boop memes on a day that was supposed to be a global strike, including by many people i have never seen post about the genocides in palestine and sudan and the democratic republic of congo.

and yet your reaction is not to decide that those posts weren't for you and just move on, but to condescend to people who have been constantly screaming into the void about how they and their people are being genocided and minimize their suffering???? wow.

Ok now that the boops are gone and i can be grumpy again

"yeah the boops are fun but don't let them distract you from--" PLEASE let them distract you. Please take one goddamn day off from thinking about the world's problems. And if you can't figure out how to do that, for the love of god don't insist that everyone else be stuck in "I'm not allowed to be happy about anything ever" hell with you

If you insist that everyone be focusing on "the problems" at all times that is at best performative and at worst actively harmful to the cause you're trying to support. Taking real action uses up energy, often times a LOT of it. Insisting that no one ever takes a break means insisting that no one ever take time to rest and begin to gather more energy for another actual action. Being "on" all the time isn't your duty, it's an impossibility.

Take a fucking break. And remind everyone that they need to take breaks too.

#people are so fucking cruel it somehow still astounds me #can you not have a smidgen of empathy for the pain that it takes to write posts like that and to scream into the void every fucking day #i'm so sorry you weren't allowed to be “grumpy” while seeing those posts that must have been so hard for you #also the amount of times i have now had to type the word boop is actively making me hate it ugh

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messenger-of-stupidity · 9 months ago

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I'm just gonna rant/vent. Don't mind me.

I don't really like venting. I understand the meaning behind it. I could go into an entire list about how it's helpful. But to put it in short terms, it helps you process emotions and information.

And this is my blog. I tend to think of it as a platform I am using for other people since I like creating bullshit for people to view for their pleasure and satisfaction. But at the end of the day, I can post whatever the fuck I want and it's up to other people if they want to interact or view it.

Having said that, I'm not going to put content warnings for this. All you need to know is that I'm venting about a specific person. If you don't like reading heavy vents, be on about your day or night and I hope you have a pleasant Tumblr viewing experience.

Now... on with my vent.

Around October last year, I got in a romantic relationship with a classmate. It was my first relationship since my toxic ex that stalked me across my social media and became even more toxic when she realized I was play flirting with a friend she had never met. We were broken up for almost two years by this point.

After her, I told myself I wouldn't get in another relationship and would just focus on school. But I got a crush on this girl in my sociology class. And we were part of a group project.

I hate group projects with a strong passion. And I tend to avoid talking to my group mates about anything outside of the project parameters. But I started talking to this girl after she kept pushing to talk to me outside of our group. I ignored her attempts like three or four times, because I knew that this would help my silly little infatuation.

But we started talking one night and I found out that she liked me back. And, like an optimistic fool, I asked her out. She said yes and we planned for me to come over to her house the next afternoon.

It should be said that I started questioning my sexuality a bit at that point (I've figured it out by now) and I let her know that. I was still romantically interested in her, and she was cool.

But... she's a hypersexual person. I'm not. We had been officially dating for maybe nine hours at this point. I'm not counting it from when I asked her out, but when she picked me up in the morning after.

And she was advancing quickly. And I have a hard time saying no to people I care about.

Just to be clear, nothing harmful happened. I wasn't assaulted or anything. It was just... weird. I felt weird because of it.

And I probably could have been fine. But everytime we were alone together, she would get like this. Even when I tried to just laugh and brush it off. Even when I asked why we couldn't just have a casual time? (Are you seeing the red flags yet? I wasnt.) I would leave her house feeling flustered from all the attention and feeling a bit strange.

My last girlfriend would say that I could kiss her in exchange for her seeing my body. That made me feel bad. But I wasn't feeling bad this time around, so I figured it couldn't be anything bad. Besides, my current girlfriend (at this time) said she didn't want to make me uncomfortable like that.

But I still felt strange. I stopped wanting to hang out with her. I stopped texting her on the weekends. Or after classes if I wasn't going over to her place, or if she was coming over to mine. That wasn't normal, nor healthy on my part. I should have communicated instead of ghosting.

Then, I was hospitalized from anemia. I mentioned this when it happened, but I've been pretty severely anemic for a long time. This was the worse it ever got. (In case yall didn't know, I've been cursed with female anatomy). I started bleeding heavily, going through overnight pads in two or three hours. By the time I got to the hospital, I had half the blood I was supposed to have.

And I felt like shit. I wasn't really eating anything. And yet, that break from my girlfriend... I was so relieved. I had a good excuse to not be around her. She visited me in the hospital, and acted really sweet.

...

I didn't want her there. I was counting the minutes until she would just leave.

I figured out that I needed to break up with her. And so I did. I got her alone and explained that I didn't think I was the right person she was looking for. That we barely had anything in common and we should have talked longer before deciding to date. That I figured myself out (remember, I told her I was questioning some important facets of myself when we first got together) and it didn't really line up with what she wanted in a friend.

I didn't want a sexual interaction with someone I didn't know that well or mesh well with. And keep in mind, any meaningful aline time with her was filled with sexual energy. So obviously, we can't work.

She took it pretty well and wanted to be friends. I tried being friends with my last ex, and it didn't work out. But I felt guilty and I still couldn't tell her no. So I agreed.

I regret that. We broke up around December. Ever since then, she makes comments about still being in love with me (she also pushed me into saying I loved her while we were dating.) She makes comments about my body. It's nothing insulting, but when someone who made every alone moment feel sexual starts saying things about your assets and makes you feel uncomfortable in certain clothes, even compliments feel violating.

And most of all... she ignores my boundaries. Repeatedly. She pushes me to talk about my life when I clearly shut it down. And everytime I mention it? It's always "Oh I forgot. My bad."

I've only gotten her to apologize without making an immediate joke afterwards like two or three times in the entire time I've known her.

I try not to let it get to me. I don't like when people are able to bother me. It makes me feel disgusting. But recently, I got the final straw.

It was Monday this week. I got some really distressing news about something that's been important to me for years. It's one of my highest priorities (that she's also downplayed and told me I focus too much on it. Meanwhile it's something that will literally shape my entire future.) And I needed to be alone. So I decided to walk home from campus. She's already violated my boundaries repeatedly throughout the day, so I'm already teetering on thin ice.

She finds out that I'm walking home after pestering me about it, and immediately invites herself along. Even sets up a ride back to her home from my place before I can even say that I need to be alone right now. She talks the entire time, so I don't have the time to process my future getting changed right out from under me.

And then... she has the fucking audacity to tell me that I shouldn't have walked home since I got sunburned and hurt my feet. She tells my protective roommate about my issues (who I told her that I was having issues with)

And then she leaves.

I get a text from her a few minutes later saying "gl with your roommate"

I ask her why she told my roommate and she just says "idk. I wasn't thinking"

And that's the fucking problem.

I can't be friends with her anymore. She was a toxic relationship, traumadumps me, violates my boundaries, and her apologies feel meaningless.

I sent her a text explaining why I'm done and I can't do this anymore. And she still doesn't get it. She wants me to explain it in person. I literally avoided classes all day to stay away from her because I'm still pissed.

When I'm mad, I lose my filter. Not to mention the fact I can't articulate myself very well in person. I'm bound to say something more harsh than I intend.

But she texted me today, acting like we were still best friends. Telling me what I should do about my missed classes. I don't have any fucking classes with her anymore. I haven't for a full semester. And she's only a couple months older than me, I know how to handle my classes.

I just... fuck dude... I'm so tired and angry. I just needed to get this shit out.

#messy rambles #messenger of rants

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yestrday · 3 years ago

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shiny-jr asked:

Not a request or anything but I just wanted to say you write interesting content and it's always exciting to see when you post something! The Academy AU for genshin caught my attention the most for some reason. I actually had a thought. Since most of the students there are rich, surely they have their own rides to school, right? But maybe the mc can't relate. Maybe they take a bus, trolley, or train. Can you imagine, all the spoiled guys are like, "Pfft, who doesn't have a car/limo? Imagine taking public transportation. Cringe." But when they hear the mc takes public transportation to school everyday? Suddenly they're there using that public transportation. They don't need it, they just want another chance to see more of the mc. Oh, how the turn tables.

cut the cameras deadass. is that fucking shiny-jr in my inbox? holy shit.. call the c0ps.. call gov3rnment officials... this is a damn national holiday in the making.

FREAKOUT ASIDE... omg you have wrinkly brain... grooves and all. i would smooch it mwah. as expected from the writer of the twst sentient au you have no idea how many times I've reread it!!!

((this is a repost bc tumblr is absolutely unre4sonable with their c3nsoring and my post did not show up at first))

yeah no. the number of times you've had to watch those damn rich kids and their fancy ass limos stop by the gate while you get off at the bus stop. everyone else on the bus is staring at you and your uniform— a member of a prestigious university on a jam-packed bus? rumors start circulating. you must be some sort of charity student.

on your first year, you received many of these curious and haughty stares from your fellow students too. it isn’t easy, being a scholarship student, but you wouldn’t be where you are if you let some snobby rich kids embarrass you. so what if you took the subway and had to chase after buses? none of these would matter as soon as you graduate and get yourself an elite job.

when you (unluckily) win the affection of your harem, many if not all of them start devising plans in order to use your situation to their advantage. man. you just wanna go to school. why the fuck do they keep messing this up for you?

it’s the protag powers. the twins use the same subway line as you and have the pleasure of escorting you to class every day. you were a bit surprised when you saw two new students on the subway and mistakenly thought them in the same boat as you, poor background and all. they’re really not; they just like walking a lot. they’re generally pleasant to be with— aether making friendly conversation and entertaining you while lumine smoothly wraps her hand around yours. they protect you from unsavory strangers groping you in the crowded area... and other competitors hoping to have a sneak in some time with you.

aether, lumine

they’ve figured out your routes. they know the exact times when you get off and on the bus and trains. they expertly use the motions of the crowd to get themselves near you while hiding at the same time. doesn’t do anything much except stare at you for so long that you start feeling the creeps. honestly the other passengers are scared too. if they get close enough they’re lucky to get a smell of your freshly washed body and experience the familiar smell of your soap for themselves. breaking into your house and sneaking around your bathroom is one thing, but actually smelling it on you is a whole thrilling thing.

xiao, childe, gorou, chongyun, heizou, venti

why tf would they waste their time sneaking onto some sardine packed place when they could simply pick you up in their ultra cool, ultra sleek, ultra rich limo? drives up to your dingy driveway and rolls the windows down. get in, they say, looking all rich and shit. you don’t know how they got your address. everyone in the neighborhood is staring at you, your family is gaping, and the suitor is watching you expectantly. you feel pressured by this whole being rich thing, but as soon as you spot the free food— made by five star michelin chefs, btw— every worry is thrown out of the window.

ayato, xingqiu, childe, zhongli, diluc, kaeya

is driving the limo. ayato rolled up the thing separating the driver and the passengers so he can’t see anything. once he escorts you out, he wipes off the crumbs and fixes your uniform and hair before patting you on the head.

thoma

wanted to pick you up at your house too but ei and makoto are annoying and he thinks that it’ll make him look stupid. why should he offer you a free ride? impatiently waits for you as your dutiful seatmate and starts bullying you. you resist another day’s worth of the tempation to slap him.

scaramouche

doesn’t bother with catching you during your transit, but catches you as soon as you reach school. they make morning conversation and escort you to your classroom. you’re both in a crowd of students, but they feel like you’re the only person in the world.

itto, albedo, kaedahara kazuha, razor, heizou, venti, kaeya

meets you “by chance” when you stop by your local convenience store to get some things. they hog up most of your time, taking in your sleepy drawl and hazy eyes. you end up walking together to school and if they’re lucky enough, you doze off and cling to them for support. they let you, nuzzling into the soft of your hair and holding you close just like how lovers do.

heizou, venti, albedo, kaedahara kazuha, kaeya

oh no :((( some common street thugs are bothering you now. you’re about to pull out your ultra secret weapon, but a knight in shining armor comes swooping in! they’re self-satisfied about saving you, fantasizing about how you’ll thank them. you, on the other hand, is disappointed that you couldn’t test out your brand new t4ser.

kaeya, itto, diluc, zhongli, razor

is the street thug

itto

isn’t lucky enough to catch you on transit. the closest they got to was chasing after your bus and then falling through an open manhole.

bennet

#yandere genshin impact #yandere x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact scenarios #yester.writes #yester.au — academy 📓

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peanutpinet · 2 years ago

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Fear - Alpha Jungwoo x Omega Fem Reader

A/N: So!! I've officially hit 300 followers on Tumblr and an honour for this and my 69th post 😏 (no smut I swear), I decided to dedicate this fic to a good friend I made on Tumblr, @mymoodwriting!! Lin!! This one is for you :]

Warning: fluff, near harassment, torture, Jungwoo being aggressive :D

Summary: you were an omega that managed to escape to the city and make a living with your natural talents. Despite loving the freedom and independence, your omega side decides something else; especially when a soft alpha pops by

Don’t have too high of an ambition they said. You’re just an omega, don’t think highly of yourself. You’re just made to be an alpha’s mate in the end. That’s what everyone kept telling you. Even your own pack back in the small town you used to live in. Well, they were wrong. Just because you were an omega, it doesn’t mean you can’t have ambitions.

So here you are, working for an upper-class cafe in the centre of the city that is dedicated to the wealthiest, flashiest alphas and betas from all over the country. Sometimes you’d like to thank the universe for gifting you with such amazing baking skills because that was the main reason why you were you were accepted; even though you secretly know that it was also because of your omega scent which most of the alphas would smell. But you were lucky because so far, no alphas have actually made a move or anything towards you.

You were happy in the city. Granted, you didn’t stay in the best place nor did you have a lot of money to be able to spend a lot on yourself. However, you weren’t too picky about it. You were quite content that you could get a decent place and good enough pay to live in the city and still enjoy the little pleasures of life.

Today was no difference. You woke up at 6 am as per usual, took a shower, got dressed and headed to the cafe where you worked. Since you typically took the morning shift, there was little to no staff but you didn’t mind, you enjoyed the quiet time. You put on your earphones and started to prepare all the pastries for the day.

However, you failed to notice that there was a customer that had already come into the store and was wondering where the staff were. Typically, the cafe would open as early as 6.30 and there would be others that would tend to the early morning customers. But for some reason, today, it was you and the other pastry chefs.

“Um, excuse me, is there anyone here?” a male voice called out

But despite the soft tone, your omega self immediately noticed that it was an alpha and for some reason, your omega self caved in and pushed you to go out of the kitchen to greet the alpha that was waiting outside. This was one of the few downsides of being an omega, especially in the big city.

“H-hi, welcome. Sorry, for some reason, w-we, we’re short on staff this early in the morning. C-can I get you something?” you stuttered, mainly because your omega side was slightly cowering, that is until you met the alpha’s gaze that quickly soften when he saw you

“Oh, hi! I didn’t know. Sorry that I had to make you come out. But my usual coffee shop is closed today, for some weird reason. And I heard that this place makes some of the best coffee and pastries. I’ll just have a typical americano and some pastries. What would you recommend?” the alpha asked, eyeing all the different pastries

“R-right away. For the pastries, I’d recommend getting our famous tartes or eclairs. We just made some fresh batch in the back. I can bring them to you if, if you’d like” you offered, keying in the alpha’s order

“One tarte and eclair then! I’ll be right by the window then. Oh, and the name is Jungwoo. For the coffee, you know. Cause coffee shops would typically call the name though you probably don’t have to since I’m the only one here this early” the alpha, Jungwoo mentioned, handing you his black card to pay

“No worries. I’ll get your order very soon, Jungwoo. Just let me whip you some coffee” you replied, giving him a soft smile and handing him back his card before going to make some coffee

Even though you typically handle the pastries and baking goods, it doesn’t mean that you don’t know how to make coffee. I mean, you practically run on coffee every day. After whipping the alpha, Jungwoo’s coffee, you packed the two pastries he ordered then went over to his table, handing it to him.

“Here you go. A cup of americano, one tarte and one eclair for Jungwoo” you mentioned, handing him his order as he turned to see you, his eyes were so soft that if you weren’t an omega, you might’ve not known that he was an alpha

“Thank you. Sorry again for having you go out of your daily job to fetch me these” Jungwoo replied, taking a sip of the coffee you made and let out a content hum

“As expected a delicious coffee made by a gorgeous girl. Looks like I found my new favorite coffee shop” Jungwoo hummed as you felt the heat rising to your cheeks. If Jungwoo couldn’t tell that you were an omega, he surely must have now by how your omega side was jumping with excitement that an alpha was praising you

“Unfortunately. As much as I want to stick around, I have to leave for a meeting with my pack very soon. I hope to see you often, cupcake” Jungwoo exclaimed, getting up and winking at you before he leaves

Snapping out of your thoughts, you were about to clean the table where Jungwoo had sat but noticed a small piece of paper with Jungwoo’s name and what seems to be his phone number plus some money for tips. Very smooth, you thought to yourself. As much as you’d like to take the money as a tip, Jungwoo gave around 100 dollars which was too much and you just kept it until the next time he comes.

Ever since that meeting, Jungwoo has been showing up at the cafe not only in the mornings but even during lunch break. At first, he would just pop by and order with someone else and just sit by his favourite spot of the cafe which was near the window, sip on his coffee and secretly glance over at you that was working at the back but occasionally come out to hand Jungwoo his order.

But soon after, Jungwoo had been a bit more daring, requesting you to order. Which you didn’t mind and even your co-workers would also nudge you whenever Jungwoo came to the cafe. The two of you even got to talk a bit more every time Jungwoo would come and visit. Though, you truly wonder if he knows that you’re an unclaimed omega and is playing with you.

As much as your omega side loves to be around Jungwoo, feeling safe and all, you can’t help but feel that it was just a dream. An alpha not even jumping at the chance to claim an unclaimed omega? Or were your omega senses messing with you that you accidentally established him as an alpha? You sighed at the thought. Maybe when you have the week off thanks to your heat, it’ll bring you some answers. Thankfully, your boss and co-workers were nice enough to not cut your payment and even gave you some suppressants to keep you tamed.

Today, you were allowed to go home early since you were expecting your heat to come in 2 days so might as well get home early so you don’t draw so much attention. Unfortunately, your omega side was betraying on you because it keeps longing for Jungwoo. The thought alone made your body heat up and you didn’t notice that your scent was slowly seeping through the streets that some were eyeing you.

You need to get home. Now. You quickly took longer steps and in a faster paced, trying to get home as fast as you can before any betas or worse, any other alphas would come after you. It was also at this time that your omega side sort of mentally cursed at you for not telling Jungwoo anything which you decided to mentally curse back by implementing the thought that he was practically a flirt. Well, you’ve only seen him slightly flirt with some of your other co-workers and that sort of made your omega side burning with jealousy. But luckily, none of them actually got Jungwoo’s number like yours.

As you were in your own thoughts, you got a notification, a message from Jungwoo. Asking why did you leave the cafe early. You were about to reply him when someone snatched your phone and before you could react, you were dragged and pinned to the nearest wall, a hand covered your mouth to muffle your voice, a simple snarl and it immediately made your omega side cower in fear, wishing, praying that someone, perhaps Jungwoo, would come to save you.

You tried your best to fight back, you really did. But since you were just an omega, the lowest amongst this system that you hate, you had to oblige to those who are in more power than you are. You hated it. You hate the feeling of being weak, and helpless. Because if you weren’t a werewolf, you were sure that you would most likely fight back without any hesitation.

“Well, well, an omega going to heat in the city? Where’s your alpha? Or perhaps you don’t have one? Maybe we’ll take you with us and we’ll take care of you, huh?” one of the betas purred at your ear whereas the other one was caressing your cheek

Despite your omega side repressing itself, it doesn’t discreet the fact that you were clearly uncomfortable and would shift yourself to try and wiggle out but the two betas were eager to keep you in place. You feel disgusted that your omega side was betraying you and being submissive that these disgusting betas had their hands all over you that you were whimpering.

Luckily, before these betas could do anything, you felt that their hands were ripped off of you and for some reason, your omega side started to calm down and you instantly know why that side of you calm down because when you opened your eyes, you immediately saw that tall broad shoulder yet snatched waist. But this time, he wasn’t alone. He was with two other men, one taller and another one slightly shorter than Jungwoo himself.

Within seconds, Jungwoo and the two other men managed to put down the two betas and even stepped on top of the betas, growling at them when they were tempted to move even by the inch. Heck, one of them might’ve “accidentally” cracked a bone whilst the beta was moving. Jungwoo however was more concerned about your well-being and the fact that he and his two friends most likely can smell you.

“Are you alright? I already had a feeling when I went to the cafe and you weren’t there. Your co-workers also told me about your heat so I bought you some suppressants. Here, let’s get you home, alright?” Jungwoo softly mentioned, gently taking your shaken hands

“Ya!! Who do you think you are stepping us like this!” one of the betas growled as Jungwoo’s taller friend growled back, immediately shutting the beta up

“If you want to last a day here I suggest you keep your mouth shut. Get them out of here. I’ll deal with them once I’m done” Jungwoo growled, his eyes flashing a bright red colour, making the two betas cower in fear and his two friends took them away

“Now, let’s get you home, alright?” Jungwoo cooed at you, bringing you back to your place and immediately making you drink your suppressants

“T-thank you. I, umm. H-how did you know where I was?” you mumbled, getting all cozy in your bed while Jungwoo brought you some warm tea

“Your scent is very particular. I mean, you’re an omega after all. It wasn’t that hard to tell since the first time I came and you were the first to come out and greet me. Also, not sure if it’s because I remembered your scent but when I came to the cafe before, I can still smell your scent lingering that I followed it. Sorry, I didn’t mean for you to know about me being an alpha like this and I surely didn’t mean to engrave your scent into my mind like this. I honestly don’t know what happened, but it just did. C-can we still stay friends?” Jungwoo replied, trying to focus on his breathing to distract him from your scent since he was in your property

“Actually…I’m thankful. I’m thankful that it was you that came to the cafe. That is was you that remembered my scent because, I, I don’t know w-what would’ve happened if…” you uttered out but Jungwoo was quick to shut you up by kissing your temple

“I’m glad then because you have no idea how much I’ve been holding back” Jungwoo snickered, both your noses were rubbing against each other while you whimpered under his touch

“Jungwoo…” you whimpered but Jungwoo chuckled and tucked you in

“Next time, alright. We’ll save that for next time, I promise. You get lots of rest and take your suppressants daily. If you want, I can book you a hotel for heats but we’ll talk about that tomorrow. You’ve had a long day. Sleep” Jungwoo whispered, lulling you to sleep

Once Jungwoo was sure that you were finally asleep, he quietly sneaked out of your room and back to his own apartment where he shared with his own pack, a pack that was filled with alphas, the biggest, scariest and richest pack in the city, NCT.

Arriving at one of the spare rooms, Jungwoo was met with Johnny and Yuta, two of his pack mates that accompanied him to find you since they were eager to meet the omega who managed to capture one of the softest alpha in the pack.

“You still smell like her, you know” Yuta pointed out

“So? Those two wouldn’t dare do a thing” Jungwoo replied, taking a step closer to the two betas

“They might go a bit feral. They don’t really have the control over their animalistic side like we do” Johnny reminded, standing on the right side of Jungwoo whilst Yuta was on the left

“Like I say, they wouldn’t dare to do anything. Would you?” Jungwoo barked, his eyes flashed red as the two betas whimpered

“Good. Now” Jungwoo crouched down to the same height as the betas. “I want you to know that you can scream if you need to, you can even cry, but just know that the more you do the more I enjoy it.” Jungwoo smirked as his claws were dug into one of the betas thighs that blood seeped through and flow until it stained the floor, matching Jungwoo’s current eye colour

“Let this be a lesson. I may be known as the softer alpha of the pack. But. If you ever touch what is mine ever again. I’ll kill you myself. And, when I kill. No one will ever know where you went off to” Jungwoo threatened, licking the blood on his claws

A/N: thank you to all that follow me on Tumblr and those who read, like, reblog and even comment on my posts T^T it means so much and I truly feel quite welcomed in this community and fandom!! I know my writing still sucks and I hope to improve more in the future!! Take care and stay safe everyone :) xoxo Vinet

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whiskeyswriting · 2 years ago

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Levels and Jealous

😍pairing: Javy "Coyote" Machado x Reader

👩🏻‍🤝‍👨🏼pairing: Platonic!Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Reader

💭summary: Who would have thought that your favorite rival would lead you to the love of your life?

🎶 Song Inspiration 1: Levels by Nick Jonas

🎶 Song Inspiration 2: Jealous (Remix) by Nick Jonas

Playlist: Spotify | Apple

⚠️warning: mentions of alcohol and suggestive speech.

📝A/N1: This is a work of fiction. Please do not copy or post anywhere else. Feel free to like and reblog but do give credit. Any constructive criticism is appreciated. I do not own any of the photos included in this post. Photos used have been from Pinterest or Tumblr or Instagram. I also don’t own any of the characters mentioned.

📝A/N2: Jake’s unofficial callsign for reader is Cupcake.

Who would have told you that your elementary school rival would actually turn out to be your favorite person in the world? Jake would. Actually that is how your rivalry and friendship started. It was first grade and you had to switch classes since your teacher left on maternity leave.

You shyly made your way to the empty seat next to a small blonde boy. He smiles widely at you and told you “We’re gonna be best friends… But I’m a better speller than you. So we’ll be spelling bee rivals. Don’t forget it!”

Your tiny face looked at him in confusion. “And who are you?”

“I’m Jakey.”

The memory made you smile and then laugh when you saw the perfectly imperfect poster Jake made for picking you up at the airport.

You ran the rest of the way to reach him. “Jake! You still can’t spell cupcake? So much for spelling bee master!”

“Listen Cupcake…” he pretends to growl and hugs you tightly. “You look good!”

“I am. I am very good Seresin.”

“Wow. She sounds exactly like you Jake…” the caramel skinned man besides Jake.

“Who do you think I learned it from?” Jake gives your waist another squeeze. “She’s the best person ever. But it goes to her head. Coyote.. this is Cupcake. Cupcake, this is Coyote. One of the other pilots from the academy.”

You extend your hand to shake his. “A pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard about you.”

He places his hand on your to shake and it’s as if you had never known what warmth and colors were. A pleasant warmth takes over and you notice the uniform he’s wearing. Khaki was now your new favorite color.

You hadn’t noticed that Jake, who was now clearing his throat for attention, was also in his uniform. “Shall we go?”

“Mhmm. Yeah,” you nod.

“Good. I got us reservations at the new French restaurant,” Jake says as he and Javy place your bags onto the bed of the truck.

As you all talked over dinner, Javy discovered there were levels to your friendship with Jake, as well as with your personality.

It’s not that he considered you fake. No. He prided himself in knowing how to read people. That’s why he was able to discover how much more you relaxed and truly showed yourself the more comfortable you were with someone.

Did he want to get to know every inch of your body? Of course. He was not blind and he could appreciate your beauty. But you were the first person that made him want to climb all those levels so he could know you in every facets. It kept taking him by surprise how much this feeling had taken over him after having just met you hours earlier.

“Did you know that this little hell raiser is the one that originally gave me my callsign?” Jake tells Javy as he slings his arm around your shoulder and pulls you in close.

“It was the best insult I could come up with as an 8 year old!” You exclaim laughing. “You sucked at playing hangman.”

Something in Javy’s chest clenches at hearing your laugh. He takes in your smile and how your eyes crinkle at Jake making you laugh.

Everything was always easy for Jake. He always got the best scores on any test. He always was the most popular. And he always got the girls.

Javy knew he didn’t have a right to feel this jealousy over someone he just met, but there was something about you that he just needed to make you his.

“So how long have you two been hooking up?” He asks, more bluntly than he anticipated.

You and Jake look at each other and start laughing. “Never!”

“Nope! She’s the only one that I would never try to get with because she scares me!” Jake says laughing. “No but seriously. She’s truly been the only girl that actually has been a friend and helped me so much.” He leans over and kisses your temple. “Sorry Javy but she’s my original best friend… and rival!”

“Jake is still the worst to play hangman with, but yeah he’s been the only guy I’ve met that has never tried to cross the line of friendship with me. I respect him for that. And now he’s graduating from the Naval Academy!”

“All because you two,” he points between you and Javy. “You two kept me in line.”

You turn to smile at the other aviator. “He gets easily distracted talking about himself right?”

This causes Javy to crack up. He brings his hand to his chest as he still laughs. “Oh! That’s it. You’re my friend now,” he says and subconsciously places his hand on your thigh. Javy’s protective and jealous side were obvious to Jake. He would glower at any of the patrons of the restaurant that would leer at you. He would make sure they knew he had claimed you, so to speak. He would lean closer to you and keep an arm wrapped around the back of your seat.

You’re so distracted by staring at Javy and enjoying his laugh that you don’t notice his hand on your thigh.

Unlike you, Jake notices and smirks to himself. “Let me get refills for everyone,” he says dismissing himself to give you two time to talk.

For as much as you loved Jake, tonight was the first time you ever wished for him to leave you hanging for a few hours.

Ever since meeting his friend Coyote, you’ve just wanted to be near and with this man. ‘He looks like he smells of cinnamon and whiskey and warm summer mornings,’ you tell yourself.

You try to control the scowl on your face when you see a group of college girls approach Javy while he was at the bar. You sigh as he smiles charmingly at them and feel a bit of jealousy.

That word makes you stop in your train of thought. ‘Jealous? You just met him and have no claim on him!’

You’ll admit you felt a bit jealous at the confidence the college girls had to just approach any man that you wanted. You were about to look away when you noticed that Javy shook his head no when they tried to get his number.

Once he came back with the drinks, you feel his arm go around the back of your seat and you feel yourself relaxed into his side.

It’s not soon after that you are all making your way back to the truck to head home. Jake keeps his eyes on you but stays back pretending he left his wallet. He tosses his keys to Javy. “Just get the truck ready. I’ll be right there.”

Javy nods and uses this alone moment with you to wrap his arm around your waist and pull you close to him. He leans down and whispers in your ear “How about we show Jake what it’s like to leave him hanging and we go have our own friendship?” He nips at your earlobe before he starts walking again.

That warmth that you felt when you met him increased hundredfold. “Make me howl and I’ll understand why you’re called Coyote.”

🏷 List: @callsignscupcake @cycbaby @callsign-dragonbaron @luckyladycreator2

#mrsjaderogerswrites #top gun maverick #tgm fandom #tgm things #tgm #javy machado #javy machado x reader #javy coyote machado #lt javy coyote machado #tgm fanfiction

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thethirdromana · 2 years ago

Text

Bram Stoker's letter to Walt Whitman

I've seen a few people posting extracts and links to this remarkable letter in the Dracula Daily tag, but never the full thing - and often the links are to an abridged version as well. I thought we should have it in full.

(Apologies if someone else has done this already. I did search for it, but it's never easy to find things on tumblr.)

I have added photos to make it a bit less of a wall of text, but nothing else.

___________

Dublin, 14 February, 1876

My dear Mr. Whitman.

I hope you will not consider this letter from an utter stranger a liberty. Indeed, I hardly feel a stranger to you, nor is this the first letter that I have written to you. My friend Edward Dowden has told me often that you like new acquaintances or I should rather say friends. And as an old friend I send you an enclosure which may interest you. Four years ago I wrote the enclosed draft of a letter which I intended to copy out and send to you—it has lain in my desk since then—when I heard that you were addressed as Mr. Whitman. It speaks for itself and needs no comment. It is as truly what I wanted to say as that light is light.

Bram Stoker

The four years which have elapsed have made me love your work fourfold, and I can truly say that I have ever spoken as your friend. You know what hostile criticism your work sometimes evokes here, and I wage a perpetual war with many friends on your behalf. But I am glad to say that I have been the means of making your work known to many who were scoffers at first. The years which have passed have not been uneventful to me, and I have felt and thought and suffered much in them, and I can truly say that from you I have had much pleasure and much consolation—and I do believe that your open earnest speech has not been thrown away on me or that my life and thought fail to be marked with its impress. I write this openly because I feel that with you one must be open. We have just had tonight a hot debate on your genius at the Fortnightly Club in which I had the privilege of putting forward my views—I think with success.

Nassau St in Dublin in the 1870s

Do not think me cheeky for writing this. I only hope we may sometime meet and I shall be able perhaps to say what I cannot write. Dowden promised to get me a copy of your new edition and I hope that for any other work which you may have you will let me always be an early subscriber. I am sorry that you’re not strong. Many of us are hoping to see you in Ireland. We had arranged to have a meeting for you. I do not know if you like getting letters. If you do I shall only be too happy to send you news of how thought goes among the men I know. With truest wishes for your health and happiness believe me,

Your friend

Bram Stoker

___________

Draft letter, Dublin, 18 February, 1872.

If you are the man I take you to be you will like to get this letter. If you are not I don’t care whether you like it or not and only ask you to put it into the fire without reading any farther. But I believe you will like it. I don’t think there is a man living, even you who are above the prejudices of the class of small-minded men, who wouldn’t like to get a letter from a younger man, a stranger, across the world—a man living in an atmosphere prejudiced to the truths you sing and your manner of singing them. The idea that arises in my mind is whether there is a man living who would have the pluck to burn a letter in which he felt the smallest atom of interest without reading it. I believe you would and that you believe you would yourself. You can burn this now and test yourself, and all I will ask for my trouble of writing this letter, which for all I can tell you may light your pipe with or apply to some more ignoble purpose—is that you will in some manner let me know that my words have tested your impatience. Put it in the fire if you like—but if you do you will miss the pleasure of this next sentence, which ought to be that you have conquered an unworthy impulse.

Walt Whitman aged 35

A man who is uncertain of his own strength might try to encourage himself by a piece of bravo, but a man who can write, as you have written, the most candid words that ever fell from the lips of mortal man—a man to whose candor Rousseau’s Confessions is reticence—can have no fear for his own strength. If you have gone this far you may read the letter and I feel in writing now that I am talking to you. If I were before your face I would like to shake hands with you, for I feel that I would like you. I would like to call you Comrade and to talk to you as men who are not poets do not often talk. I think that at first a man would be ashamed, for a man cannot in a moment break the habit of comparative reticence that has become a second nature to him; but I know I would not long be ashamed to be natural before you. You are a true man, and I would like to be one myself, and so I would be towards you as a brother and as a pupil to his master. In this age no man becomes worthy of the name without an effort. You have shaken off the shackles and your wings are free. I have the shackles on my shoulders still—but I have no wings. If you are going to read this letter any further I should tell you that I am not prepared to “give up all else” so far as words go. The only thing I am prepared to give up is prejudice, and before I knew you I had begun to throw overboard my cargo, but it is not all gone yet.

I do not know how you will take this letter. I have not addressed you in any form as I hear that you dislike to a certain degree the conventional forms in letters. I am writing to you because you are different from other men. If you were the same as the mass I would not write at all. As it is I must either call you Walt Whitman or not call you at all—and I have chosen the latter course. I don’t know whether it is usual for you to get letters from utter strangers who have not even the claim of literary brotherhood to write you. If it is you must be frightfully tormented with letters and I am sorry to have written this. I have, however, the claim of liking you—for your words are your own soul and even if you do not read my letter it is no less a pleasure to me to write it. Shelley wrote to William Godwin and they became friends. I am not Shelley and you are not Godwin and so I will only hope that sometime I may meet you face to face and perhaps shake hands with you. If I ever do it will be one of the greatest pleasures of my life.

Bram Stoker in 1906

If you care to know who it is that writes this, my name is Abraham Stoker (Junior). My friends call me Bram. I live at 43 Harcourt St., Dublin. I am a clerk in the service of the Crown on a small salary. I am twenty-four years old. Have been champion at our athletic sports (Trinity College, Dublin) and have won about a dozen cups. I have also been President of the College Philosophical Society and an art and theatrical critic of a daily paper. I am six feet two inches high and twelve stone weight naked and used to be forty-one or forty-two inches round the chest. I am ugly but strong and determined and have a large bump over my eyebrows. I have a heavy jaw and a big mouth and thick lips—sensitive nostrils—a snubnose and straight hair. I am equal in temper and cool in disposition and have a large amount of self control and am naturally secretive to the world. I take a delight in letting people I don’t like—people of mean or cruel or sneaking or cowardly disposition—see the worst side of me. I have a large number of acquaintances and some five or six friends—all of which latter body care much for me.

Trinity College Dublin in the 1880s

Now I have told you all I know about myself. I know you from your works and your photograph, and if I know anything about you I think you would like to know of the personal appearance of your correspondents. You are I know a keen physiognomist. I am a believer of the science myself and am in an humble way a practicer of it. I was not disappointed when I saw your photograph—your late one especially. The way I came to like you was this. A notice of your poems appeared some two years ago or more in the Temple Bar magazine. I glanced at it and took its dictum as final, and laughed at you among my friends. I say it to my own shame but not to my regret for it has taught me a lesson to last my life out—without ever having seen your poems. More than a year after I heard two men in College talking of you. One of them had your book (Rossetti’s edition) and was reading aloud some passages at which both laughed. They chose only those passages which are most foreign to British ears and made fun of them. Something struck me that I had judged you hastily. I took home the volume and read it far into the night. Since then I have to thank you for many happy hours, for I have read your poems with my door locked late at night, and I have read them on the seashore where I could look all round me and see no more sign of human life than the ships out at sea: and here I often found myself waking up from a reverie with the book lying open before me.

I love all poetry, and high generous thoughts make the tears rush to my eyes, but sometimes a word or a phrase of yours takes me away from the world around me and places me in an ideal land surrounded by realities more than any poem I ever read. Last year I was sitting on the beach on a summer’s day reading your preface to the Leaves of Grass as printed in Rossetti’s edition (for Rossetti is all I have got till I get the complete set of your works which I have ordered from America). One thought struck me and I pondered over it for several hours—”the weather-beaten vessels entering new ports,” you who wrote the words know them better than I do: and to you who sing of your own land of progress the words have a meaning that I can only imagine. But be assured of this, Walt Whitman—that a man of less than half your own age, reared a conservative in a conservative country, and who has always heard your name cried down by the great mass of people who mention it, here felt his heart leap towards you across the Atlantic and his soul swelling at the words or rather the thoughts.

Walt Whitman in 1877

It is vain for me to try to quote any instances of what thoughts of yours I like best—for I like them all and you must feel that you are reading the true words of one who feels with you. You see, I have called you by your name. I have been more candid with you—have said more about myself to you than I have ever said to any one before. You will not be angry with me if you have read so far. You will not laugh at me for writing this to you. It was with no small effort that I began to write and I feel reluctant to stop, but I must not tire you any more. If you ever would care to have more you can imagine, for you have a great heart, how much pleasure it would be to me to write more to you. How sweet a thing it is for a strong healthy man with a woman’s eyes and a child’s wishes to feel that he can speak so to a man who can be if he wishes father, and brother and wife to his soul.

I don’t think you will laugh, Walt Whitman, nor despise me, but at all events I thank you for all the love and sympathy you have given me in common with my kind.

Bram Stoker

Walt Whitman in 1891

___________

6 March, 1876.

My dear young man,

Your letters have been most welcome to me—welcome to me as Person and as Author—I don’t know which most—You did well to write me so unconventionally, so fresh, so manly, and so affectionately, too. I too hope (though it is not probable) that we shall one day meet each other. Meantime I send you my friendship and thanks.

Edward Dowden’s letter containing among others your subscription for a copy of my new edition has just been received. I shall send the books very soon by express in a package to his address. I have just written E. D.

My physique is entirely shattered—doubtless permanently, from paralysis and other ailments. But I am up and dressed, and get out every day a little. Live here quite lonesome, but hearty, and good spirits.

Write to me again.

Walt Whitman

Leaves of Grass, 1872 edition

___________

Walt Whitman and Bram Stoker met three times - in 1884, 1886 and 1887. Whitman passed away in 1892.

#dracula daily #walt whitman #bram stoker #long post

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